a thousand rainfalls

a poem and a prayer
i could cry a thousand rainfalls over all you’ve brought me and what i’ve been through with you

thank you for building my beautiful life 

it's not perfect and hardly ever feels worth it

but gosh its so worth living because you’re so close

you’re in every detail 

even when it feels like the pen has been picked up from the paper and the story has taken a dark turn 

even when it seems like the light will never shine again

you’re my faithful friend

with me through it all 

filter my feelings through the lens of your Word

speak where i need you too

drown out all the noise

so i'm swimmin' in your voice

like a thousand rainfalls

buckets of water 

rain on the pavement 

making me wonder

these tears I cry

fall down from my eyes 

the warmth of my cheeks 

a sweet, steady stream 

a thousand rainfalls 

have been poured out of me

all kept track 

every tear, every setback

every year, every laugh

labeled and bottled

my tears are kept in the safe of my God

who will take every tear and till the ground

the soil of my heart - making it grounded and ready

ready for a harvest, and ripe at just the right time

heard a friend the other day

she wants to plant a cherry tree 

i asked how long it would take for the cherries to grow and be ready to eat 

replying slowly she says “4 years” 

I thought, wow… that’s long

but that's what the seed needs to grow into the fullness of what it’s meant to be 

for the ones it's meant to feed

seeds of suffering

surely what is sown will be reaped

make the cherry trees of my life

a sweet melody

strong and steady

trunks of patience keepin' me meek

that one day others will lean against

and sit in the shade of the tended leaves of the Almighty

but for now, would you take my feeble heart and show me that you’ll pour your love upon me even when I’m weak?

a thousand rainfalls 

could pour out of me

but when the emotions are gone and the fog of life has faded away 

my eyes will be forever set on you, every day

with every waking breath I take, may I know you're the breath of fresh air that keeps me awake

you keep me alive in the grips of your grace 

I wonder, Lord, if you cry for me? 

are your tears oceans, are they greater than the galaxies? 

are they intricate and complex, filled with love that’s perfect? 

are your tears the kind I'd want to swim in, because then, maybe then, i’d begin to understand more of the depths of your affection? 

Jesus wept (John 11:35)

and now I'm weeping too 

because the fight of life is draining

yet the love of my life is overwhelming

and now I’m swimmin’ in a thousand rainfalls

and as I’m swimming, I’m drinking You in till dawn becomes dusk because your love is all I want

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i’ve fallen in love with life again

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tale of old