dare to turn your struggles upside down.
The sound of the crackling of my hair invades my ears as I strum the coarse texture of these brown strands of mine.
Silence and time. Resting outside of me and within as I type away on this little laptop. My eyes meet the screen while my fingers tap and touch these keys. Rummaging through the file cabinets of my brain as I think about what I want you to see. Setting the foundation may not be easy because I have much to say, although I'll sum it up in the next few minutes or less.
See… it's a new year, same old me… but I'm doing a new thing.
Welcome to a little thing I'm calling "Grace's blog."
What's it all about?
I'll be using this platform to share…
who I am
what I believe &...
to encourage you through prayers/poems that have helped me make sense of the things that I've faced.
These writings have been stirring in my heart for years and now is the time to share.
They're for those of us who feel like the pain of life is too much to bear.
When words are scarce and hope seems like a ship that sailed long ago, my hope is that you'd find a harbor here.
My hope is that somewhere between my vulnerability and your humanity you'll come to grips with the truth of your story.
Here you'll find a safe place to process.
Here you'll discover the courage it takes to cling to hope amidst the complexities that come with being human.
God knows what to say and I'm just trying to be a vessel for Him to speak.
Now, this is me...
Generally, I'm a pretty outspoken person.
I love to laugh, write, and connect with others.
I genuinely love people, so much so, I am a retiring people pleaser.
God is healing me and setting me free from people's opinions. He's teaching me to let go of what others think and lay hold of His security.
“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.” Proverbs 29:25
Read my prayer poem here for a perspective shift on people-pleasing.
I'm pretty outgoing with a love for life and adventure but I love a good nap every once in a while too.
I love to listen to others.
Conversing back and forth with our thoughts allowing for connection to take place is one of my favorite things in my day to day.
I don't mind talking with a stranger or buying a coffee for someone I don't know.
On the other hand, there's a little girl in me that is insecure. That is afraid people will leave if they know the real me. One that has been broken by the trials of life but then picked back up again by Almighty God.
One who thinks deeply and loves fiercely, sometimes to my advantage and sometimes to my detriment.
I mess up, I fall, I stumble, I take the wrong turn, and then question if I really am who I say I am. I replay terrible scenarios that I inflicted upon myself. I question if I'm too much for some people or if I'm too little for others.
I wonder if the pain I've gone through is too great for me to ever amount to anyone or anything.
I wonder if I'm really living or being all that I can be.
I question whether people like me or not…and care way too much about the answer to that question when I know it's none of my business.
Somedays I love to get up, go for a run, and sing. Other days I'm left lying in my bed and hoping to awaken to all my dreams coming true. Dreams for my family, dreams for my future… my life, and what it will be.
But not only that.. who I will be? What will my life look like? The ups, the downs, the trials and tears in between – what is the point of the difficulty of living?
Haven't we all wrestled with questions like these?
Haven't we all observed the paradox of humanity?
How many times have we wrestled and restrained in an effort to get past the pain?
So… why should you care about this blog?
Because, instead of wrestling with the questions and pain of life alone…I want to show you the One who wants to wrestle with you as you bring them to Him.
I want to show you who Jesus really is, not who people have projected him to be.
Because friends, He is so much sweeter and so much better than our minds can grasp or think.
There's this popular song that I've been playing on repeat by Lecrae. Play this song while you're on a run and I can guarantee it'll make you sprint. (Child, I need all the help I can get!)
One of the lines that I haven't been able to shake is this one:
"I walk with a limp cause I've been wrestling with the Holy Ghost."
This line is inspired by Genesis 32:24-32.
"Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he could not defeat him, he struck Jacob’s hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip.
Then he said to Jacob, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
“What is your name?” the man asked. “Jacob,” he replied.
“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” he said. “It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.”
Genesis 32: 24-29 CSB
Jacob wrestled with God. Jacob wrestled with humanity. Jacob was marked by the wrestling and restraint of God himself long after the struggle took place.
Struggling is inevitable.
Choosing to relentlessly pursue God in the midst of our struggle is where the pain will turn into prevailing.
I've learned to dare to turn my struggles upside down in the place where my soul feels tossed around by the difficulty of living.
I've dared to wrestle with God and humanity in the face of uncertainty and I've watched as prevailing took place.
Jacob may have walked with a limp on the outside. He may have had a defect everyone could see, but that limp came from a relentless pursuit of the only one who could mark him in a way he couldn't shake.
I'm just letting the limps in my life tell my story. I'm letting God's word define me, not what others think.
God knows what to say and I'm just trying to be a vessel for Him to speak.
And I pray and hope that what I write touches your heart in ways only God can.
It is the many moments in His presence that have shaped me into the perspectives and words I am going to pen on these pages.
May this blog be a place where you can recognize your pain. May this blog be a place where the rain of your heart meets the window pane. Where joy rises and pain ceases in the steady rhythm of his love landing on the coldest parts of our hearts.
May the words you've been longing to find be found.
His words can heal, break strongholds, and set free… that's what He did (and still does!) for me.
He's been waiting to do it for you, too.
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