better off (why am I still alone?) pt. 2
What we did felt so right, but left me in a crisis state of mind
How can what was burned ever be made right?
How can what was burned ever be recovered?
How can you take this rubble and use it to repair every wall that I’ve built in this relationship that has left me with so much guilt?
What I recognize now… these feelings, they’re valid… And these feelings be lying to me, making me think a man is everything I need
Making me think another individual will be the key that unlocks this longing in me and opens the door for the more my heart thinks it needs to explore
You may think you need it, but you don’t. That affection won’t solve the infection in your soul.
But I didn’t know this at the time, just a broken teenage girl who was fidgeting with a key that was faulty and weak
Easily broken and not created to be the one I opened
Wisdom knows I have my door, that’s meant to be open to the one who my soul longs for… (“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” Revelation 3:20)
Left all alone wailing in the dark, wondering if I’d ever find the person who’d fill this loneliness in my heart
Wondering if anyone could satisfy this anguish that i’m facin’
trying to move on but my soul feels dead, in need of an awakening
this heart and what it desires has only left me in the mess of a fire i’m too prone too fuel
Been burned by one too manyI’ve done the burning n brought trouble to many
Still bitter over the love I’ve lost and the times i’ve wept because i was spent chasin’ after that love that all too soon left or the fact that this love I once felt has been lost on me
Still searchin’ n longin; for another heart to beat for me
Still... still my heart. I calm and quiet my soul. (psalm 131:2)
The searchin’ has stopped. Came to a great halt.
I’m better off bein’ with You
I’m not emptied out and left alone for nothing, no I was formed from the depths of the earth (Psalm 139: 14-15) to be filled with something.
I was meant to be touched by the very words that spoke and the sun, moon, and stars were set in place
whose hands would be buried in the depths of the earth to show the typa love that would die and rise for me just like the rising sun and the flourishing palm trees
the kind that pursues me although he knows the depths of me, all of my good and all of my ugly
love and care, this my soul knows, through whispers that tenderly touch me and make me whole
“You’re fearfully and wonderfully made, my dear”
“You’re radiant and valiant, you’re noble and pure, I delight in you, and rescue you because of who I am; the cure for the crisis that plagues your mind at night. This time in your life won’t be what defines you, don’t let it put you to shame. Call upon my Name. As your fingertips cling to Mine, you will not be identified by the heartbreak of your past, you will walk steady and freely with me in the right path for your feet, one where I will handle you gently.”
Disappointed you’ve been as you’ve given your heart away to men who didn’t know how to give theirs back
State of distress left you attached so now you detach from anything that forces you to unpack the baggage weighin’ you down as a trap
Disillusionment has tricked you into thinking you were the only one for them only to have your heart broken again and again
Picked back up again by Almighty God, healed n mended, left a heart that was scarred but knew the true meaning of forgiveness
Disappointment you’ve been to those you’ve fell for on a whim and took it back just as quick as it was given
Distressed you’ve been as you’ve used others for your own advantage n to your own detriment
I’m better off being alone because facing myself is scary
Better off not spending quality time with those who magnify the wounds that leave me weary
Not so easily hidden when I’m with the one I cherish
Relationships bring me to the surface, God allows me to see the past resurfacin’
No relationship is complete without Jesus as the cosigner
Come to the greatest - the designer of relationships.
You’ll be better off with him, a grip you won’t wanna release once you get a hold of it.
Let him co-sign n align the one you’re meant to be with
Let his love be the lease n conditions you live under with those you’re meant to be walkin’ hand n hand with
He is the center of everything, holding you together, in your brokenness and in the tether of your relationships
You’ll be better off with him to breathe n move n live with
Being with Him is what your soul needs
Being with Him is better off indeed
Being with Him is safety and security
Being with Him is where I’m figuring out me...what makes me angry, and what it looks like to fight off negativity
How do I respond to the things that trigger me?
What does it look like to live healthy?
How do I have a conversation where God re-centers me before I spout out emotion-filled opinions?
How do I confront the areas of my life that I’m really weak in?
How do I heal from this trauma that feeds the drama that continues to seep into all of my relationships?
Being with Him is where the sails of his love settle a heart that is at sea - hopeless and wondering if anyone will ever love me?
Will these scars be too much for another to hold softly?
Will these scars be too much for me to entrust to another?
Will these scars be the ones I'll let another see?
Jesus won’t make it overwhelming, he’ll deal with you gently. His tender hands are firm all the same, applying pressure where He believes you can change.
Settle me in the satisfying nature of your love - in a way that is pure and lovely, honest and gentle, the kind of grace that changes me and makes me turn away from the beliefs that drive the way I behave.
Settle me in the scars of my Savior.
I’m better off in His scars. I'm better off becoming acquainted with mine. I’m better off being able to articulate them to the right person at the right time.
I’m better off in the re-awakening. I’m better off living in full surrender where Your wisdom and discernment guide me and deepen our relationship- one that fills every part of me.
I’m better off here.
I’m better off bein’ a whole one.
I’m better off bein’ someone who’s maturing
Im better off bein thankful with the goodness of God
Im better off with everything I got
Maturing and making me new as I persevere through all the pain n trauma I’ve put my heart through.
I take full responsibility for what I do and I forgive those who know what’s been done to me too
The truth is… I was never fully ready for you, Jesus
And I know I’ll never be ready for you
Yet your love met me in the deepest place of my need for you
You give me everything I need and right now all I need is you
And I know I’ll never be ready for him, whoever that special someone is,
So keep me in the peace of your love and may I know that even if nothin’ comes for me, you’re making me as ready as I can be for a love that is already deeply fulfilling
let this baggage not be the song that I’m singin’, i unpack and release to let Your light rise from within
May “Better off with Jesus” be the melody i’m singin.’
“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
Isaiah 58:11 ESV